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What I’m saying at the beginning (it got cut off) is that I co-hosted the first-ever Queerologues on Brandeis campus. It was a great success and will definitely be repeated in the years to come! If you have any questions/suggestions, feel free to message me :)
And many thanks to the ever-lovely Gina Goul for helping me film this post-event!
You want to know what it is like to be queer?
It’s like waking up with amnesia
Everything which feels right you’re told feels wrong and everything which feels wrong you’re told is right; it’s like-
Waking up with an amnesia so complete you haven’t got a name or a home to call your own
And when you finally do it’s as though everyone around you has gotten amnesia too
And though every day you remind them of your true name they and their cishetero brains simply can’t be expected to handle the strain of respect and awareness and trust
In the idea that you could know who you are better than they ever could ever can ever will
Trust in the idea that you are as you will
And even though now it’s an uphill battle
The time will come it’s all smooth sailing down the river of “tolerance”
You find yourself too scared to reach for acknowledgement
Until you hit the waterfall of acceptance in the jungle of disgrace and as long as we are in this place listen-
Being bi is like being a zebra
Living in a world which is just black and white
And my thoughts at night wonder if I am straight with gay stripes or gay with straight stripes
‘Cause the zig zagging of my fluidity flows way too fast for me I can’t keep up pace with my ever-changing attractions to anatomy
Bisexuality- wait a sec, is this bigamy or sodomy?
My self-esteem is wobbly
I sloppily work on my queer-relations policy as though due to my anomaly activism is my prophecy
I believe that I am here to make a cacophony!
But I forget that the life of a queer is forever tragicomedy
I am tired of this odyssey this journey into oddity
I turn towards anesthesiology to block out all the pain
Of turning my face up towards the queerphobia of the privileged
As though catching drops of godly rain onto my tongue but instead of water it is acid
And it burns
And all I want to do is dampen the fire on my lips and hide away from the harassing
I am forced-
To go back to “passing”.
But now I’m unhappy. I’m a living contradiction.
If queer was made of crack then it would be my addiction.
Maybe you can’t live with my personal obscenity but I can’t live without my identity
And so at any moment I expect to be crucified like Nixon
As though girls are my Laos and love is my weapon of choice
And when I shower one onto the other a deep throat will scream traitor!
You acted as though I chose my “betrayal” and so I played along
But my struggle on this earth has proved that you’re wrong
It is less important that they accept me than that I accept me and I dare you to try and eject me from my passionate stance on citizen equality
I am no second class citizen!
I am a master in the equity discipline
And so after eighteen years of being queer I finally finish my roundabout on the merry-go-round of identity and realize that no matter how I identify I am still me
Riding on a cheap plastic figurine of a unicorn which will never take me over the rainbow stuck as it is with a wooden stake through the heart
So I decide to step off of society’s grinding machine
I will longer fight by vicarious means
Instead I decide to personally intervene in the decisions made by old straight rich cisgender white men on what they can do with my body and soul my life is not up to a populace poll or damage control
You want to know what it is like to be queer? It is involuntarily volunteering your life to fight against the ordinary
Because like the x-men we queers are extraordinary
And now when I strip off my clothes I can never be naked
My identity encases me my outward projections have become a part of me a whole of me and none of me I am overall a political statement!
That is what it is like to be queer! It is an unbelievable sense of being here
It is grounding your dreams on the ground beneath our feet and telling others don’t you dare tread on me
Because behind every drag queen is a fierce wolverine and behind every ally is a computer screen
And behind every school is a QUILTBAG teen this mitosis of society should not be routine!
I will be forced into this state of in between no longer
I have gone through the jungle and I have come out stronger
If you want to keep track of me look me up in the back of a book
Because if you ever mistook why I’m here it is for education
Only through teaching and learning will we stop eradication
And I guess the message I want to leave here with is,
Although we struggle we teach
Because that is what queer is.
What do you guys think? Would y’all be interested in seeing more of this?